Love Is Stronger
by TwilightTardis17
Summary: Bella is safely back in Edwards arms, so why does it feel so wrong? He saved her from James' cruel torture, but he wasn't in time to protect her from everything. Has James' vile actions tainted the love she feels for Edward? Will the couple be able to get back to the state of bliss they once shared? Only time will tell.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I felt the rough pull of the wire against the delicate skin at my wrists, burning with friction. A bead of sweat dripped from my forehead, down the side of my face, escaping to fall at my neck.

"Don't move" my heart dropped into my stomach at the sound of his rough voice breaking the silence.

I felt the sharp edge of the knife, threatening to pierce the translucent skin at my neck. The restraints at my wrists and ankles pulled tighter and slowed the flow of blood, I had to move. But the chain around my belly stopped any attempt to flee. I was bound to the bar, his prisoner.

He removed the knife from my neck, and slowly, carefully, stretched out his legs as he reached a standing position. I felt his stare burn into my face; I did not meet his gaze. The knife was still in his hand, a constant threat, a constant reminder.

He walked head down, towards the other side of the room, his blonde ponytail swaying as he did. He released the knife from his grasp; I heard the clatter as it fell to the floor. He faced away from me, out the locked window, seeming to be searching, but for what? No one knew I was here.

My eyes searched the dark studio, lit only by the light of the moon, my reflection was everywhere. The sight of myself so… vulnerable, so helpless, I couldn't look, but my reflection covered the room again and again. I was haunted by the sight of myself. I was pulled away from my thoughts by the shift of his position; he turned quickly, so quickly my eyes didn't even register the movement. He was in front of me suddenly, towering over me, looking down into his prisoners eyes. His lips crept up into a sinister smile, the kind of smile that hid dark thoughts.

I returned his stare with equal power; showing him I was not to be underestimated, I would still fight. He crouched, one hand resting on the floor in front of him, the other wrapped around my ankle.

"He'll be here soon," he announced "he will try to rescue his sweet Bella, but im afraid it will just be too late". I maintained my stare, burning my eyes into his memory.

When I did not answer he spoke again "You doubt his affection for you? He will be here, and he will witness your tragic, albeit entertaining death. Believe me when I say it will cause him so much pain, if it didn't, what would be the point to all this?" Sick! This man was sick! The feel of his skin on my ankles sent shudders through me, even though our skin was separated by a layer of denim. His touch felt dirty.

As a distraction to myself I began to taunt him "You think you'll get away with this? You don't think every single Cullen will want to see you burn?" Well, all but one I silently corrected myself; I shouldn't underestimate Rosalie's disdain for me.

"You're silly. I see past your hard exterior, you want the attention. You want everything that comes with the title of a murderer, you seriously have issues!" He was taken aback by my casual evaluation, not exactly fitting for a dying girl's last words. He stared at me with a look of confusion for just a second, before grasping my tiny throat in his right hand.

"Enough!" he yelled "I don't want to hear the musings of a dying girl, don't make me speed this up and have Edward miss all the fun. Wouldn't want that now would we?"

His hand increased its tight hold around my throat, I was beginning to struggle for breath, any tighter and my lungs would be void of oxygen. I shook my head from side to side in agreement, I would not speak again, I would not sign my own death certificate.

"Good" he wore a smile of satisfaction. He eased his grasp on my throat, I took a deep breath. He began to trail his hand down my throat, lightly grazing his fingertips over my collarbone. The gesture made me feel sick to my stomach, it seemed so intimate, the feel of his skin on mine. I loathed his touch.

He continued his gentle assault, tracing his fingertips down through my cleavage, all the way down to my belly button. Stop! I screamed in my mind, NO! Not again! Stop! I could hear the urgent thrum of my pulse in my ears, my heart beating relentlessly with fear. I was trapped in a moment of silent fear. Screaming voiceless pleas in my mind.

When I almost couldn't bare it anymore, he finally removed his hand from my stomach. His face was smug, I wanted to be sick. I knew how far he would go, how far he would take this torture. I prayed for death, I welcomed it with open arms; I wanted this to be over before it could get even worse.

I hoped Edward would come for me, I hoped he would find James with my lifeless body in his arms and end his evil little existence, no one else needs to be a victim in another one of his sadistic games. I hoped Edward would tear James apart and burn the pieces.

"Oh how I would love to really make this interesting" he taunted, "Oh so many ways I could really piss him off, he'd be very, very angry now wouldn't he?" His eyebrows moved into a sinister curve, and he narrowed his eyes as he glared at my frightened expression.

He rose his hand up again, reaching for my cheek. "Don't touch me" I was about to say before his hand vanished from in front of my face. Before my brain had even registered his movements I heard a loud crash as something smashed through the window. Of course James was already there, waiting for whatever was about to interrupt his vile actions.

"Edward" I screamed. He had his hands around James' throat, trying to pin him against the wall of mirror. I watched the two of them brawl with incredible speed; I could barely make out who was who. I struggled against my restraints, but it was futile. As their brawl continued I heard someone else approaching, not just one, but several feet as they pounded on the pavement outside.

Edward was winning, he had James pinned, he was causing him the pain he deserved. Suddenly a hand was on Edwards shoulder, not in an aggressive defence manoeuvre, but a fatherly gesture. It was Carlisle! He seemed to be stopping Edward…why?

Alice was at my side instantly, relieving me of my restraints "It's okay Bella, it's okay," she said soothingly "your safe now." All the while I was watching Edward. He relinquished his hold on James for Emmett and Jasper to drag him away. Then he was at my side in less than a second.

His arms were wrapped around me, I rested my head in the crook of his neck and inhaled deeply, I thought I'd never be in his embrace again. He pressed my body against his, and I never wanted him to let go. I was in his arms, I was safe. I took a deep breath. I was safe.

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_Ahhhh the first chapter, very doom and gloom but we have to start somewhere._

_Please let me know what you think? Good or bad I really want your opinion on this story, but please be helpful with your criticism, I wont learn from mean words lol._

_Thanks for reading :-) x_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

My dreamless sleep was beginning to fade away from me, I was too cold, and the temperature was begging to make me feel exposed. I pulled my eyes open, the room was still dark but the beginnings of sunlight were illuminating the edges of the furniture. His arms were around me, his stomach was pressing against my side and his legs were entwined with mine.

The quilt was in a heap at the bottom of the bed, I must've kicked it off in my sleep. I realised his body temperature was the cause of my awakening. This closeness was making me uncomfortable; the usual ease I felt when in his arms evaded me tonight.

I gently untangled my legs from his and slid from the cage of his arms. My feet touched the soft carpet of Edward's bedroom; I took a few steps towards the wall length window, gazing out towards the forest. It seemed never ending.

The happenings of the previous week were running circles in my mind. But the circles were far away. I couldn't quite make out one thought from the other, they were there, but they were fuzzy. I tried to see my memories clearly, but I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried. "What's wrong?" Edward asked his voice laced with concern.

I turned around to see the concern on his face, matching the tone of his voice. "Im fine" I said sleepily "I just woke up early that's all" Barely making a sound he got up of the bed and crossed the room to me, he took my hands in his.

"You've been sleeping less and less recently" he said in the same concerned tone. "I think this has affected you more than you're letting on, won't you please consider talking to someone about this?"

Ever since Edward had me safely back at home he'd been pleading with me to go see a shrink. He thinks if I keep things to myself I'll go crazy. But I don't want to talk about what happened, how can I? I just want to forget it, how will bringing it all back up make me feel better? How am I supposed to put my thoughts into words when they're not even clear to me?

"Edward im fine, stop worrying" I wrapped my arms around his body and pressed my cheek against his smooth chest. I felt his lips gently touch the top of my head, his hands behind me were rubbing gently on back, I wanted him to stop. I didn't like it, why didn't I like it? I usually felt so comforted by his touch.

I pulled away from him, still holding on to his sides with my hands, trying not to distance myself from him too much. "Maybe I should try and go back to sleep" I admitted, he seemed pleased by this "What time is it?" it couldn't be after 6am, my surroundings were begging to come alive around me but the darkness of night still touched every surface.

"It's 5:05am and much too early for you to be up" he said with a playful grin. In one swift move I was off the ground and in his arms. He carried me to the bed and placed me down on the mattress, taking care to be gentle with me. He climbed in next to me, but instead of cuddling up to me he pulled up the covers and tucked them around me. He must've realised I was cold; he wouldn't come close to me if he thought it would cause me discomfort.

But my eyes were still open; I was looking out the huge window. I imagined I was running through the trees with Edward but I was just as fast as him. I was running so fast I would be a blur to the human eye. I was a vampire, I was strong, I was invincible. If I was a vampire no one would be able to overpower me, they'd have to catch me first. But I was a frail little human, you didn't have to be a vampire to overpower me, I wasn't remotely strong. I wished I was powerful, I wished I was fast, I wished I was beautiful. Right now, being a vampire seemed like a pretty sound deal.

But I knew Edward's opinion on this matter. As far as he was concerned, changing me wasn't a solution, it was tragedy. But one way or another, if I wasn't a vampire, then we wouldn't be together forever. Something would separate us. Whether it was an illness, or accident, or a sadistic vampire after my blood, something would separate us.

Invincible and immortal, that didn't sound like a bad idea right now. The sound of Edward humming pulled me out of my revere. He was humming my lullaby, pretty soon I would be asleep, I needed to talk to him first.

I was a little apprehensive to approach this subject with him, but I needed to voice my opinion, I tried to tell him how I felt in a way that maybe he could understand. "You know," I began "if I was strong I could protect myself" he stopped humming and sighed, the sort of sigh that said "not this again". I continued "you wouldn't have to worry about me, and we could happily go about our immortal lives without the constant fear of being separated. You know it makes sense Edward."

He was still and silent, he looked up at the ceiling, possibly figuring out another excuse in his head. He turned his head to face me, his dark eyes – almost black from thirst – were on mine. "Is that what you're worried about?" he asked, "That I won't be able to protect you?" I looked at him with a blank expression. Of course he would think this whole idea was me doubting him, his self-doubt has no limits.

"I know that I slipped up, I know that I should've got there sooner, I should've stopped him…" he took a deep breath in, like he was nervous, like he was about to admit to murder or something. "Bella, I will never forgive myself for letting him get his hands on you, I'll never stop being sorry for not getting to you in time, and I'll never stop feeling the guilt I feel when I think of what you had to go through" I was taken aback by his sudden confession. "I promise I'll keep you safe, you don't ever have to be scared again. James has been…" he searched for the words "…taken care of. No one will hurt my Bella; I won't ever let you down again."

This sudden outpour left me speechless. Did he seriously think that I doubted him? Did he think I didn't trust him with every fibre of my being? I knew he would protect me, I didn't doubt him for second, and this wasn't his fault!

"Edward" I began "this wasn't your fault okay? I don't blame you for one second. I trust you with my life, with everything I am, you know that. Please don't doubt yourself." His eyebrows creased in a look of disbelief "I know you'll protect me, I don't doubt that. But I don't like the fact that my safety is the responsibility of someone else, I'd feel much happier in the knowledge that I could protect myself." Will he understand that this isn't about him? For on second could he just put himself in my shoes and try to see things from my point of view?

He was silent again. He knew I was right, he knew I made perfect sense, and he knew there was no reasonable excuse to give me this time. He looked into my eyes for what seemed an eternity before he finally spoke. "Go to sleep darling, it's too early in the morning to have a conversation with such depth. Hush now." And with that he resumed his gentle humming. No fair! He knew just how to shut me up.

Soon I would be asleep, back into the realm of unconsciousness where the darkness took over. Maybe I would be able to dream with the sound of my lullaby around me. But I won't forget, he can't avoid the subject forever. I rested my head back onto the pillow and closed my eyes.

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_A/N - All characters and the odd stolen few lines belong to the great Stephenie Meyer. I couldn't help but pinch a few lines from New Moon, because Bella was right, something WILL separate them ;) _

_Hope you liked this chapter, please please review :-) _


	3. Chapter 3

Warning! Part of this chapter's content includes sexual assault that some readers may find disturbing! Don't read if this makes you uncomfortable!

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Chapter 3

_His hot breath was at my ear, panting. The full weight of his body on top of me and the knife once again at my throat. I couldn't move. I wanted to scream, so loud he would have to stop. But of course, he wouldn't, and no one was around to hear my desperate pleas. With every tear that fell down my cheek I became more and more enraged. This situation was horrifying, but I was powerless to stop it. _

_It will be over soon, I told myself, but what about the next time? And the time after that? Will he ever stop?! I didn't want to cry. I didn't want him to see how much he was hurting me, how much control he had over me, but each tear betrayed me. Crying was all I could do._

_As he continued to increase his rhythm I knew it would soon be over. Each rough thrust left me in searing pain; I could feel the blood running down my thighs… it shouldn't have been like this! He had removed the knife at my throat to replace it with his hands, the closer he got, the tighter he grasped. I couldn't breathe; I questioned if this was how it would end? No drawn out torture, just utter and simple suffocation?_

_Now his grasp on my throat was too tight, no air could pass through. I felt light headed, and my desperate gasps weren't enough. I could feel myself getting weaker, so I fought with everything I had, every last bit of energy in me was focused on breathing._

_I felt instant relief as he let go of my throat, but what followed was even worse. His mouth was at my throat, open, ready….I froze. I could feel his razor sharp teeth grazing against my sore skin… would he? I thought his intention was to kill me, to make Edward seek revenge. Would he really do a complete 180 with his plan and…change me? _

_I had thought of the idea a few times before, being a vampire, being strong and fast and beautiful. I liked the idea. But not like this, never like this._

_My heart was beating faster than it had ever before; his teeth were at my throat for what seemed like forever. I stopped trying for breath; all my energies were focused on him. Do it. Don't do it. Just do something! I can't take this any longer!_

"Bella! Bella" Edwards voice was urgent. With the sound of his voice my surroundings began to fade away, he brought me out of this nightmare, back to him. I sat up abruptly; I could feel the sweat dripping down my forehead, down my back. My breathing was ragged.

I spent the next few moments focusing on calming myself. It was just a dream, it wasn't real, and it was just a dream... but it _was_ real! It was a memory, and every time I close my eyes I'll see him wont I? I don't want to go back to sleep, I want to be awake forever.

Edward was by my side with his arms around me; his body temperature was having the perfect effect on my heated skin. I rested my head onto his shoulder, breathing deeply, in and out, in and out. One arm of his was around my back, the other around my front, the perfect shield.

"Were you having a nightmare?" he began to question. I nodded against his shoulder, I couldn't speak just yet. "It wasn't real" he soothed "Your safe now." He gently stroked my hair, bringing it away from my face.

It was light outside now, I wouldn't need to go back to sleep, I let out a huge sigh of relief. After I had calmed down Edward began to talk once again. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, I lifted my head from his shoulder to look him in the eye. I shook my head softly. Speaking about it would make it real, I wanted to forget.

"What am I going to do with you?" he teased. "Make me feel better" I replied simply. He deliberated for a moment before asking "Will breakfast make you feel better?" thats so Edward, always thinking of the simplest solutions, the truth was the simplest solutions were usually the best. I wasn't particularly hungry - the knot in my stomach was all I could feel - but I humoured him anyway, and off he went to his never used kitchen to fix me up a bowl of cheerio's. That's what I need right now, some normality.

Once Edward had made sure I ate every last cheerio I took a long hot shower, spending most of my time just standing under the hot stream of water, letting it wash away last night's dream from my skin. Wrapped up in a luxury soft towel, I returned to Edwards's room to be greeted by my favourite pair of jeans and t-shirt, freshly washed and ironed courtesy of the wonderful Alice. I was so glad she wasn't trying to dress me up like a runway model; right now I didn't have the tolerance.

I was sat on the bed, combing my wet hair through with my fingers when Alice danced gracefully into the room. She smiled her beautiful impish smile and brandished a hair brush in her right hand, "May I?" she asked "im afraid your fingers just aren't going to cut it." I smiled and nodded while she replied with a cheeky wink, how could I say no to her?

Light as a feather she sat down behind me and began to pull the brush through the wet strands. She was so gentle; I barely felt a thing, only a slight tug now and then when a knot blocked the path of the brush. I sensed this wasn't the only reason she was in here, I guessed she wanted to talk, but she stayed silent. After a few minutes my hair was shiny and knot free, that's when Alice chose to start the conversation.

"You do know I love you, don't you Bella?" she began "you're not just my friend; you're like my sister too." I smiled at her confession, I did love Alice too. Of course I did, how could I not?

"I know" I replied "I love you too." Her face relaxed into a smile as she embraced me in a vice tight hug. It was the sort of hug you don't want to end, like when you're saying goodbye and you have to take in every last moment, because you don't know when you'll next be able to hold that person again. Was Alice trying saying goodbye?

"Whatever happens I'll always be here okay? Wherever we are, whatever time of day, just give me a call okay?"

"What could possibly happen? I think the worst is over" I assured her. Her face was full of regret; she was hiding something from me. "Alice, why does this sound like you're saying goodbye?"

"Because I am Bella"… my heart dropped.

"What! Why? Where are you going? Why do you have to leave? I don't want you too!" the questions kept coming like word vomit; I was fighting back tears as I said them. She can't leave me now, I need her!

"Im not going anywhere Bella… you are." She confessed. I was shocked into silence.

After I gathered my thoughts I continued again "Me? Why am I leaving? I can't leave, what about Charlie?" this is ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous! I had no reason to leave, and plus I can't just up and go, I have school and Charlie. This is completely absurd!

"Bella im sorry, Edward will explain everything but you have to go okay? It's for your own safety."

"My safety? How am I not safe? James is dead, you did the honours yourself. Alice I can't just leave!" you could hear the panic in my words. I thought I was safe, Edward said I was safe now, he wouldn't lie to me.

"Edward will explain everything I promise, but you have to go now! It won't be forever, you'll be back real soon okay. And don't worry about Charlie we'll protect him, just please stay calm." She tried to soothe me. It wasn't working.

"Calm? How can I stay calm? You're telling me I have to go away, that im not safe anymore. But Edward said I was safe now Alice, he wouldn't lie to me!" jeez how long was I in the shower for? They seemed to have cooked up a thorough plan during my absence.

"Bella we're just trying to protect you" she said apologetically.

I took a deep breath, calming myself "But what could I possibly be in danger from now? James is dead, everything's okay now." I repeated that in my head. Everything's okay now, everything's okay.

Alice sighed, she knew I was wrong,_ I_ knew I was wrong; I just didn't want to admit it. "Edward doesn't want me to tell you…" she paused, debating whether to continue, "…but James had a friend, a mate if you will -"

I interrupted "A red-haired girl, I remember."

"- yes well she's not happy Bella. We killed her mate, and of course she's angry but she wants revenge! She wants you Bella… she wants you dead." … my heart stopped.

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Poor Bella, can't get a moments peace.

I tried to handle the flashback as tastefully as I could, I didn't want it to be too graphic, please tell me what you think :-)


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Before I knew it I was in the passenger seat of Edward's car going down the highway, in any direction away from Forks. My mind was racing, was this really happening? An hour ago I was happily in Edward's arms, now I was running away.

But this time Edward didn't make the mistake of leaving me. He was by my side now, and I doubt he'll relinquish his position until he knows im safe again. Im glad he's with me. Those few days I had to spend away from him in Arizona were torture; I wasn't prepared to go through that again.

After half an hour of solid driving I finally broke the silence "Where are we going?"

"I don't actually know" he replied with a quirky grin on his face, I couldn't help but smile at him.

"Sooo were just going to keep on driving until we end up in the sea?" I teased.

"Hopefully we'll find a destination before having to go under water, I don't think Alice will be too happy if I drown you"

"I don't think I'll be too happy about that either" I replied playfully, and he giggled with me. I'm glad his mood is light again.

We were quiet again for a little while and I gazed out at the landscape right in front of me, memorizing all the trees and fields and buildings and roads that would soon become memories as we sped past them. I knew Edward wouldn't get tired, so I questioned whether he really would drive constantly. He didn't need to sleep but I sure did, I wasn't fond of the idea of sleeping in the car for days and days -

"Are you hungry?" he said interrupting my thoughts. He always thinks of my human needs, even when I forget, one of the many reasons I love him.

"I am actually"

"There's a service station a few miles ahead," he announced "we'll stop there for a little while so you can fill your belly, then we'll figure out our next move" I wasn't about to argue, now I'd acknowledged my hunger it was more prominent than ever. I could eat a horse, maybe two. Gosh im so hungry!

After hours of driving we finally decided to stop and check into a hotel. Edward was satisfied that there was a safe amount of distance between us and Forks, so today's car journey was over. My legs were still stiff from sitting in the same position for so long, so I paced back and forth along the balcony to loosen them up, taking in the view at the same time.

I eventually stopped my pacing to rest against the railing, we were pretty high up – almost at the top – and the view was extraordinary. I could see for miles and miles, the tops of buildings, and the trees and fields that surrounded us. The sun was dancing on the horizon and I watched as it fell. It was beautiful.

I familiar pair of arms encased my body from behind, his nose was at the back of my neck. He took a deep breath, taking in my scent with it. "How are you enjoying the view my beautiful girl?"

"You can't throw that word around when looking at something of true beauty" I answered still watching the sun go down.

"I am"…

I turned around to face him; his fingers were now laced together at the small of my back. The smile on his face was sparkling, as the last rays of sunshine bounced against his diamond hard skin. I put my arms around his neck and stretched up on my tippy toes to reach his lips, his full, luscious lips. I placed a chaste kiss on them.

"Oh Bella, you amaze me. After all you've been through I'd expect you to be going crazy right now. I know you want to be at home, and I know inside your probably falling apart, I wouldn't expect you not to be. But how you still manage to act so strong is beyond me"

"I want to be strong… for you" I confessed.

"I know sweetheart" he smiled gently "but it's _my_ job to be strong for _you_. You don't have to put on a front for me. If you need to cry, here's my shoulder." He gestured his head to the right, "If you need to scream and smash things, I'll clean up after you. If you need to fall apart, then I'll pick up the pieces of you and put you back together again." My eyes were beginning to sting with tears at his words. "Just don't push those feelings down and make yourself feel worse okay?"

I nodded; the lump in my throat was blocking my words. I looked down at the floor; I could feel the tears threatening to fall. How can his words have such an effect on me? Edward placed his hand under my chin ever so gently, and pulled my face back up so his eyes were looking into mine. A traitor tear fell from my right eye; he wiped it away with his thumb and placed both his hands on my cheeks. His cold skin cooling the flushed skin of my face.

"I love you" he said in the most sincere voice I'd heard from him, and with that he placed his lips against mine. There had never been a kiss like this. It was passionate, yet gentle. I could feel every bit of love he'd ever felt for me, every hope, every fear, every happiness, and every experience. All in that one kiss. I was overwhelmed.

The tears started coming thick and fast. I buried my head in the crook of his neck and he held me close. One arm around my back, the other at the back of my head, stroking my hair delicately. I could've stayed encased in his arms forever, I felt completely protected and completely at ease. I loved him so much right then. To know that I could show him any emotion I was feeling and he would accept it and ride it out with me, and not judge or use it against me. In that moment I truly trusted him. I had never felt more comfortable in some ones presence. And I wanted to be by his side always.

As my stream of tears began to lessen he kept one arm around my back and guided me back into the room, onto the couch. He sat with me, holding me for a little while longer, until the tears had finally stopped falling.

"How about I go run you a bath?" he said breaking the silence.

I took a deep breath and cleared my throat of unshed tears, "Just what I need" I replied faking a smile and failing.

He placed a kiss on my forehead then left me alone on the couch, and alone with my thoughts. What am I doing? I can't let him see me like this, what was I thinking? He'll think im crazy. My thoughts continued to torture me some more until Edward returned, chasing the bad feelings away. He took my hands in his and pulled me up off the couch, he then led me to a bathroom I wasn't expecting to find.

The dark room had been lit up by lots of little candles, their lights bounced off the tiles as they danced around the room. The smell of lavender and camomile pleasurably invaded my nose, and the stress that filled my mind began to dissipate. The whole scene screamed relaxing.

Edward pulled my jacket from my shoulders and down my arms, why was he doing this? Was he going to undress me? My heart began to race. Nope, no way, that's not going to happen. How dare he even think of it! He of all people should know I wouldn't want that. I should say something, I need to say something now!

But as he pulled the jacket free from my arms he folded it neatly and hung it across his forearm. It was just a chivalrous gesture, a product of his upbringing. Of course he would remove my jacket, he was just being polite. I felt guilty for ever doubting that his actions would be anything but respectful.

I smiled at him, a genuine smile. One that said thank you, one that showed my appreciation. He returned the expression before kissing my forehead once again, and leaving me to my bounty.

I undressed quickly, my muscles – still sore from the previous week's events – ached in protest. But as I lowered my body into the bubbles I instantly began to feel relief. The water was just the right temperature to ease my sore limbs. I lay in the water as still as I could, but the motion of my breathing still caused the water to make tiny waves, lapping against my body.

I closed my eyes and inhaled, pulling in more of the lavender scent. All I could hear was the sound of my own breathing. I had become so relaxed I was teetering on the edge of unconsciousness. This moment was perfect. I felt completely at ease, I never wanted to leave.

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A/N - I enjoyed writing this chapter, Edward is slowly becoming Bella's rock.

I love writing Edward, he's like my perfect guy #TeamEdward ;)

Hope you liked it pleeeeease review, I'll love you foreverrrr!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I eventually pulled myself from the peak of relaxation and removed myself from the bath tub. As I rubbed the towel against my skin - pink from the hot water - I noticed that some of the bruises were beginning to yellow and fade. I hate old bruises, it made my skin look to be decomposing, but I'd pick those over violent purple, and painful to touch bruises any day.

It was somewhere around 7pm, so I decided to put on my pyjamas. The thick, soft fabric felt very comforting against my skin. Before going back to Edward I decided to stop at the kitchen first and make myself a cup of tea, but I was dumb to think he would let me lift a finger. In an instant he was at my side, taking over the mundane task. I shook my head as I grinned at him, would he ever stop taking care of me?

"How was your bath?" he asked, genuinely interested.

"Perfect" I replied simply "It was just what I needed."

"Im glad I could be of some assistance" he smiled as he poured hot water through the tea bag. Once the tea was made he pulled me into his arms. We stood there in the kitchen for longer than necessary, swaying gently in his embrace. When he eventually relinquished his hold on me we sat back down onto the couch, a news channel was already playing on the TV.

I draped my legs over his lap as I sat to his left, and I buried myself in the cushions behind me. His hands were already resting on my shins as he begin to rub gently against one with his right hand, brushing his fingertips back and forth in a very relaxing, almost comforting way. I wonder if he realises he's doing it, this gesture seemed to have become a habit of his. I was beginning to enjoy it.

As I drank my tea Edward stayed very intent on the news channel, perhaps he was looking for any news about Forks. A missing hiker, suspected bear on the rampage. Whatever he was looking for I don't think he found it, his rigid posture became more relaxed as the news reader continued.

I held the mug in my hands, I could feel the heat of the tea radiating through the hotel standard crockery and it kept my hands toasty warm. When Edwards's attention began to fall from the television I decided it was a good time to talk, to bring up the situation at home. The voice in the back of my mind was nagging me, I needed to know. But what if nothing had happened, or what if something had happened that I didn't want to know about? What if someone was hurt? I couldn't handle it if someone was hurt, I would feel so guilty. Did I really want to know?

The feeling of uncertainty was proving to be too much, I needed to know.

"Edward" I began tentatively "do you know what's going on… back home? Has Victoria…." I didn't know how to finish that sentence.

He inhaled deeply, like I just asked the question he was hoping I wouldn't. Never the less, he still answered me. "She tried to follow us Bella"… wow… little more honest than I was expecting but okay. "But Emmett got her off our trail, he almost had her too but she got away again."

"Again? So this isn't the first time this happened, she's tried to get to us before?

"The night before we left. But the others were okay they didn't need me, that's why I stayed with you. Like I could've left you anyway" he it said like it was so obvious.

"How about the rest of today?"

He paused for a second before he answered "No, she hasn't been back"

"That's good right?" if she wasn't going back to the Cullen's house then there wouldn't be any fighting, they would be safe. Relief washed over me.

"Errrm, not exactly Bella…. She's trying to follow us. Alice has seen her change paths so many times in the past few hours, she doesn't seem to be getting very far, but we're not completely out of the woods yet my love." He stilled, waiting for my reaction.

"Is she on the right path? Does she know where we are?"

"Not right now sweetheart, you don't need to worry okay? Alice will let me know if we're not safe, she won't find us."

"So we can stay here tonight?"

"Yes, you're fine" he showed me a smile intended to comfort "You don't need to worry about a thing"

Phew, I was so glad we wouldn't have to be on the run all night. This was the most content I'd felt in a while, I didn't want to lose this feeling. "Good" I smiled at him, showing him I was calm, that I wasn't going to worry. Being away from normality, it put me in a different mind-set. I was aware of the impending danger, but I wasn't scared. It didn't feel like it was happening to me. It felt like we were talking about some other couple with a vengeful vampire after them, they needed to be the ones that were worried, not us.

He took my left hand from around my mug and kissed my knuckles in a chivalrous manner. He looked up at me through his long lashes, he eyes boring into mine. I didn't want to go home, I wanted to stay out of the loop forever. This piece of reality, right here with Edward was where I wanted to be. Right in the centre of my comfort zone. He took the mug out of my hands and placed it on the coffee table in front of us. He returned to take both my hands in his, pulling me into an upright position to be fully facing him.

"I promised I would keep you safe" his eyes were serious. "If we have to cross the entire continent, if we have to fly to another country then that's what we'll do."

"I know Edward, I trust you" before he could say anymore I pushed my lips to his, closing the distance between us. Our mouths moved as one as I reassured him of my love, I depend the kiss as my tongue found his, distracting him from continuing his thoughts. The moment I told him I trusted him, I regretted it. Of course I trusted him, immensely. And I did trust him to keep me safe. But we had been in this position once before, and the previous time we had lost.

I trusted that he would protect me to the best of his abilities, but I didn't trust that his abilities would be enough. What if I slipped through his fingers again? Victoria didn't have a sick agenda, she simply wanted me dead. What if this time Edward was too late? I couldn't tell him what I was thinking, if he thought I doubted him for one second, he'd never forgive himself.

I was distracted from my tortuous thoughts by the feel of Edwards hands wrapped around my sides, pushing me down onto the couch. Our tongues continued to dance as he moved himself on top of me, being careful to keep his weight off me. My hands began to wander up his arms, across his muscular shoulders, to wrap around his neck. I liked the sensation of having him this close, I somehow felt more protected like this.

As we continued our tame display of passion, Edward positioned himself so he was laid between my legs, I was starting to feel uncomfortable. His left hand was now caressing the side of my face, his lips never leaving mine. He began to move his right hand from its grasp at my side to trail up my stomach, being beneath him, I began to feel trapped. As his hand reached my breast he began to squeeze it gently, a moan escaped his lips, he was getting carried away. This once pleasurable act now frightened me, it could lead to something else. He was getting carried away and his loss of control began to scare me. I now regretted my compliance.

He needed to stop,_ I_ needed to stop, this whole thing needed to stop! With all my strength I pushed against his chest, of course I wasn't anywhere near strong enouw to move him, but when he realised what I was trying to do he backed up immediately. He sat at the opposite end of the couch to me, a look of realisation on his face. Realisation tainted with embarrassment and shame, he put his head in his hands. I didn't mean to make him feel bad, I just wanted it to stop, I didn't mean to hurt him.

In reality probably only about 10 seconds had passed, but his silence seemed to last a lot longer. He finally lifted his head from his hands to look at me, apology written across his face. "Im so sorry Bella" he finally spoke. "I lost control – I don't know what happened - Im so sorry…" he looked down at his fingers twisting together in his lap. "I didn't think, I..I…I don't know what happened, I just…"

The look on his face sent a spear through my heart, I couldn't let him torture himself like I knew he would. "It's okay" I reassured him, his reply was immediate "No its not! Don't make excuses for me Bella, what I did was wrong. I can't ever afford to lose control with you, especially considering your recent past."

"I know you won't hurt me Edward. You got caught up in the moment, and it just scared me a little that's all." I tried to reason, "Please, I don't want you to feel bad"

"How can I not?" his voice calm and collected but laced with regret. "That won't happen again, you have my word. Please understand how sorry I am Bella. Please say you'll forgive me?"

As far as I was concerned there was nothing to forgive. It was just a little lapse of concentration that's all, completely understandable. But I knew until I said it he wouldn't stop feeling guilty "Of course I forgive you" I replied with a smile, trying to reassure him. The regret didn't leave his face or his voice, he wasn't going to let us forget this.

* * *

_A/N- Looks like Eddie needs to take s cold shower for now ;)_

_Hope you enjoyed reading, please let me know what you think :)_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

_The realisation hit me, my mother wasn't even here! I had tried to protect her, but what I had really done was walk right into my own death. His laugh was sinister, evil, laced with madness. What sort of person took pleasure out of hurting others? I couldn't run, he would catch me. I couldn't fight, he was too strong. I was out of options. _

_The moonlight shone through the windows, illuminating his dark figure. He stalked me like I was his prey, I suppose I was. I was trapped, helpless. Predator and prey dancing around other. Who would make the first move? I knew one thing, I wouldn't go down without a fight. He would not take me so easily._

_My bravado began to weaken as he continued his pacing. My heart began to beat a little faster and my stomach was in knots. The impending pain was in every thought, I hoped this would be over quickly, that he wouldn't cause me unnecessary pain. Who was I kidding, this sadist would make sure he caused every last tear and every last scream. My hope was gone. _

_He halted his pacing and looked straight at me, deep into my eyes. There was a look of horror in his eyes that I wanted to forget immediately. He took one purposeful step towards me. I stopped breathing. My heart stopped beating. This was it._

I was stiffly upright in the bed, the familiar cold sweat dripping down my back. My head felt fuzzy, still half asleep. Edward was at my side immediately, this was becoming routine. He held me close to comfort me, I curled up against his chest as he planted butterfly kisses on the top of my head. When would my subconscious stop torturing me?

The bedside clock read 6:28am, early enough to get up. Except this morning, getting up consisted of lying on Edwards's chest and trying to block last night's dream from my memory. As my cheek pressed against his cold, hard chest I was reminded of the feel of my cheek against the cold, hard floor of the ballet studio. I moved further up his still figure to rest my head in the crook of his neck, which felt better, I could curl my arm around his head and entangle my fingers in his hair.

Edward began to move his chest up and down as he forced breath. He didn't need to breath, but the motion was comforting, and I guess he knew that. We lay in the in the brightening darkness until my hunger, rather loudly made itself known. I locked my fingers together behind Edward's neck as he tried to remove himself from my arms, he giggled at my attempt at strength and settled for carrying me into the kitchen.

He placed me on the counter top and began preparations for making me toast and coffee. The once comfortable silence was begging to become awkward, I guessed he was still upset over yesterday's happenings. I hated that he wouldn't let things go, I was over it, and there was no need to dwell. In an attempt to lighten the mood I gave him a big old smile as I said "Good Morning."

His response was a rather half- hearted kiss on my cheek as he asked if I would rather have a cup of tea than coffee. I took his face in my hands and pressed my lips against his with more pressure than necessary, once our lips parted I rested my forehead against his. "Coffee is fine… its better when it comes with a kiss though" I said playfully.

He took my lead and kissed me again, this time with passion. No polite peck on the cheek. His lips crashed against mine, claiming my mouth as his own. Our lips moved in a perfect rhythm. I felt his tongue trace my bottom lip as it gained entrance to my mouth, hungry for more. This was more like it, no holding back. I hoped this would make him forget, make him understand we didn't have to avoid physical contact all together.

As the pressure of his lips against mine began to weaken I wrapped my arms around his neck, tangling my fingers into his hair. I'd finally got him to loosen up again, I didn't want it to end. Finally the sound of burnt bread popping out the toaster signalled us to stop.

He continued to fix my breakfast in a seemingly cheery fashion. Maybe my kiss did the trick, my ego swelled a little.

"My lady" he said as he gestured to the nutella covered toast and steaming hot coffee waiting for me on the breakfast bar. He carried me bridal style over to my awaiting breakfast and placed me ever so gently down on the stool. The hard wood was not a welcomed surface against my backside.

As I crunched away Edward tried to slip out of the room to make a phone call, of course I noticed him. "Say hi to Alice for me" I yelled as he was almost out the room. He turned around to wink at me, a very enticing wink, before he disappeared from my range of sight.

Alone in this room, I felt very out of place. I didn't belong here, when Edward wasn't here with me. I longed for him to hurry his call, what did he have to say that he couldn't say in front of me? What if it was bad news? – I stopped myself before I got anymore worked up. This sort of thinking would get me nowhere.

Much to my surprise he returned to the room, phone still against his ear. I caught the second half of Edwards replying sentence.

"- said she had no idea. If she hasn't come back since then she's definitely on our trail." He was silent as he listened for Alice's reply. I could faintly hear the tune of her bird song voice coming from the cell phone speaker.

"You can't be so sure Alice. What if she knows what you can do? What if she's messing with your blind spots?" again he was silent.

"Hope? Im not risking Bella's safety on 'hope', we have to move!"

I could see he was getting frustrated so I held my hand out for the phone, maybe I could talk to Alice without losing my cool. He finally got the hint and placed the phone in my waiting hand, I put it straight to my ear. "Alice it's me"

"Bella, sweetie are you okay?" she sounded worried, what had Edward been telling his sister?

"Im fine" I stated "what's wrong?"

"Victoria, I think she's – im not too sure, the path she's taking keeps changing. And im not talking every so often, more like every few minutes. It's bizarre! Edward thinks she's doing it purposefully to confuse me, I don't know how she could be doing this. While she's doing this she can hide her thoughts from me, now im not sure where she is." That was a lot to take in in one go.

"Oh" was all I could muster in response.

"But on the other hand she could actually be changing her mind rapidly, my brother however thinks this is unlikely" her voiced was thick with frustration, like her self-esteem was wrapped up in her power. Without it she seemed deflated of her usual happy self.

"Okay, so right now we can just say we don't know where she is?"

"Im afraid so Bella" she reluctantly admitted "this whole not knowing business sucks!"

"So what happens now? Where do we go from here?" I looked at Edward while I asked, asking him too.

"Carlisle and Esme thinks it's best to just come home… but your boyfriend thinks he knows everything in the whole world ever and that you should keep running!" her sarcasm was full of bitterness. I'd never heard her talk about Edward that way, it was a shock, and I didn't like it.

"Okay Alice, no need for the brother bashing" I joked, trying to get my point across without being rude.

"There's every need Bella! This is your safety were talking about, you can't just run and run until she maybe stops searching. At least back here you'd be safe, if she came back then there are more of us to protect you, more of us to fight." She did have a point, but fighting meant putting my boyfriend's family in danger. I was torn on the matter.

Edward snatched the phone from my hand, filling the empty space with his own hand to make up for the sudden abruptness. "Just keep me updated Alice, we need to get back on the road." And with that he hung up. I didn't like the hostility now apparent between my boyfriend and his sister. The sister that he loves and adores unconditionally. They shouldn't be speaking to each other like this.

"Eat up" was the last thing he said before leaving the kitchen. I could hear him fumbling about in the bedroom, packing our bags once again. He returned in less than five seconds.

"So where not going home?" I asked, hoping the answer was different from the one I knew he would give me.

"Don't listen to my sister, I need to keep you safe. And that doesn't involve going back to where Victoria will most certainly be waiting for us." He replied matter of factly.

His mind was made up. We were going on the road, again. From the last few minutes I had to process this recent information, my mind was also made up. I sided with Alice. I wanted to go home. As selfish as it was to bring danger back to them, I just couldn't stay away any longer. I wanted to be home and feel safe. I wanted to know Charlie was safe. I wanted to tell Edward my decision. But his rigid posture kept me silent. He was in no mood for a discussion.

* * *

A/N- Uh oh, Bella was just getting settled and now they're off again :/

I used to read fanfics all the time and not review even when the authors begged, but now im on the other side of it its so frustrating no knowing what you guys think!

I hope you like it anyways :) always feel free to review ;)


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Once again I was in the passenger seat of Edwards shiny Volvo, and once again we were in an awkward silence. It was too early in the morning for me to care. If I'd have let myself I would've fallen back to sleep as soon as we set off, but I was going back to that place voluntarily. So I reverted to default and watched the trees pass by me in a blur, Edward really did drive too fast.

He sat in the drivers, his posture rigid and tense. His grip on the steering wheel was fixed, im sure his knuckles would have gone white with pressure if they weren't already, im surprised he didn't break the damn thing. I decided it best to leave him be, if he wanted to talk he would, in his own time.

I retrieved my phone from my jacket pocket, my attempt at subtlety shattered by a vampire with insane senses. He glanced momentarily at the phone in my hand before returning his gaze to the road ahead. He must've known who I was going to text, but he didn't try to stop me. I opened up my messages and began to type.

**~ Alice, any news? Edwards mad, so im not talking to him right now **** B xx ~**

Of course she replied in lighting speed.

**~ Are you okay? He'll get over it soon. I haven't seen anything new, I just wish you'd come home already. I'd feel much happier if you did. A xxxxx ~**

**~ I want to come home! So so badly. But I don't want to tell you brother just yet, he still looks pissed off. Can't you change his mind Alice? Pleeeeeease xxx ~**

**~ Like he's going to listen to me, he's too goddamn stubborn! He'll listen to you Bella, tell him how you feel, if he knows you want to come home he probably will, just to keep you happy. He'd do anything for you, I think we both know that lol xxxxx ~**

I stole a quick glance in Edwards direction… yep, still pissed.

**~ Okay Il try, later though when there isn't a slight chance il have to endure the wrath of Edward haha xxx ~**

**~ I would say let me know how it goes, but I'll know when I see you guys coming home ;) good luck, don't let him be too hard on you! Stand your ground sissy :P xxxxx ~**

I put the phone away, now in a lighter mood from speaking with my maybe one day sister. She was right, I needed to stand my ground with Edward. It's not as if im just being a spoilt little brat who wants everything her way, everyone else wants it my way too, and it is a more logical plan than this.

Before I spoke I tried to gage what sort of reply I was going to get. He looked calmer, his forehead was now free from creases and his mouth was no longer a scowl. I took advantage of his change in mood while I had the chance. I took a deep breath "Edward I want to go home."... He didn't even look at me, he kept his eyes on the road. I didn't drop my gaze from his face, I wasn't going to drop this.

"Edward please don't ignore me" I asked less abruptly.

He laughed one short 'ha', was he mocking me? "I was just thinking… I apologise for my rudeness." Oh great, formal Edward, my hopes of winning this debate danced away with his fancy tone. He still kept his eyes on the road ahead.

"You know it's the right thing to do, I'll be safer there." I tried to start the debate off on a positive note.

"Is that what you're worried about? That you're not safe with me anymore?" his eyes squinted into a glare, I was now thankful his vision wasn't directed at me.

I sighed "You know it isn't. I'd just feel a lot more content knowing you'll be safer if you're not the only one trying to protect me."

"Bella, you're fine." He stated, effectively trying to end the conversation.

"But it's only a matter of time before Charlie calls, I won't lie to my dad Edward. He's a cop, you don't think he'll be suspicious? It's his job to be suspicious!" I was beginning to get worked up, pulling on any excuse I could.

"It's fine darling, my family will handle him, they'll make sure he knows he's not to worry. You don't need to worry about a thing okay?" His calm tone was frustrating me.

"You can't just tell me not to worry and expect me not too! That's not how it works. I hate not knowing how my dad is or if he's safe, I'd be much happier if I was home with him."

He turned to face me now, I feared I'd gone too far and that I shouldn't have continued the subject. I was right.

Fire burned in the darkness of his eyes, he was angry. But above all, hurt. Like I'd just told him I wanted to break up or something.

"You know you could've just said…" his face was pulled into a bitter expression.

"I thought you'd just get mad at me, and I was right"

"Im not mad Bella, im just… Look I know I've disappointed you okay, I feel the guilt every second. But I thought you'd forgiven me, you said you'd forgiven me!" he had opened the flood gates, his pent up worries began to fill the air around us. "I can never take back what I did, but I promise I'll spend the rest of our lives making it up to you, if you'll let me? Please Bella, you don't need to leave me, let me prove to you how sorry I am!"

"Woah, who said anything about leaving? Edward you know I forgive you, it wasn't your fault, you weren't to know I snook away. Why in the world would you think I would leave you?!"

"See Bella, you say you forgive me, but I don't think you really do, deep down. Your actions betray you." My actions? I had shown him nothing but love? Was this about last night? Did he really misinterpret my reluctance for rejection? I thought Edward was different. I thought he understood my apprehension. Did he seriously think I wanted to leave him, just because I wouldn't have sex with him?!

"Edward," I began slowly, but I soon lost control of my temper again "you know why I didn't want things to go any further yesterday. I thought you understood!" I turned to face the window, tears were threatening to escape my eyes. I didn't want him to see me cry, knowing he was the cause.

He was silent, did he really have nothing else to say? Was he not even going to attempt to defend himself?

More trees, more grey sky. The darkest clouds looked menacing, like they were just waiting for us to let our guard down before they unleashed their storm. As my breathing steadied I pushed the tears back.

"Do you really think that little of me?" he broke the silence. All traces of anger and bitterness were now gone from his voice, only hurt remained. Raw, vulnerable hurt. I suddenly wished I had never said anything. No matter how angry I was, it was nothing compared to the guilt I felt for causing him pain.

"Then how can you think I don't forgive you? That I don't love you unconditionally?" when I was sure the tears were safely gone I turned to face him once again. The look on his face, his pained expression was breaking through his nonchalant mask.

"I understand you want to be with your dad, but how can you say you forgive me when you said yourself you don't want me around you?" his questioned burned in my mind. When had I said that? I would never say that, and even if I did why would he believe me? Both of us know I would never have meant it.

"When did I say I don't want you around? I never said that Edward because it's completely untrue. That's the last thing I want! You're not leaving me! Ever, okay? You can't do that to me!" my temper was all law unto itself, but at least I wasn't about to break down in tears in front of him again. At least I had some control over myself.

"But I thought you wanted to go home? To your dad? Yes he's the chief of police, but Bella, when it comes to a crazy vampire no one can keep you as safe as I can. I can keep you safe, please let me prove it to you?"

This whole conversation was running rings around my mind, I was so confused. Of course Edward must've misinterpreted something I said along the line, but this had been blown out of proportion.

"For the millionth time Edward, I know you can keep me safe, I don't doubt you so don't doubt yourself. I just want to go home. You'll be safer, I'll be able to keep an eye on my dad, everyone's happy. I just want to go home" I pleaded, exhausted from the whole argument.

He studied my expression, hopefully seeing the truth in words rather than the lies he hears. "So you don't want me to leave?" he asked.

"No" I answered, adding extra emphasis to the word.

"Do you forgive me? Honestly and truly?"

"Cross my heart" my actions mirrored my words.

"I don't think I need to ask if you love me" he finally admitted with a smile on his face.

"No you do not, the whole frickin' world knows the answer to that" I teased, hoping to lighten his mood further.

He returned his gaze to the road. How long had he been looking at me? It didn't make much difference. Even though he was going at a ridiculous speed, his other senses were heightened to the point of ridiculousness too, he wouldn't crash.

I sensed the storm had passed. The smile he now wore upon his face filled me with hope. Had I won? Would he take us home? The sudden change of the cars direction made me think so.

* * *

I've been preoccupied with school and new courses which is why I've been updating weekly or round about that time frame. Homework is also the reason the chapters a fairly short as I don't have a lot of time to write anymore.

I hope you enjoyed it anyway :)


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

My Edward is so doubtful of himself. At first I thought it something sweet, like he just needed a bit more confidence. Once upon a time I thought I could give him that confidence, but the past few months had proven my hopes to be hopeless. No matter what I did, no matter how much reassurance I gave him, it didn't work. He still doubts himself all the time, still second guesses my love for him, and it's beginning to drive me crazy.

He made one mistake. Sure that mistake had scarring consequences, but that was my fault, not his. He blames and blames himself for letting me slip out of his radar when he should be blaming me. Im the one that snook away, im the one that didn't tell anyone. Im the one that walked into the face of danger, foolishly and naively wanting to save someone that wasn't there to be saved. It was my fault.

I was happy to be the one to give Edward constant reassurance, to be the one that built him up when he knocked himself down. But his attitude took on a new low when he actually misinterpreted my words to think I was leaving him. Of course my natural reflex was to reassure him once again, but long car journeys offer quiet time, time to reflect on the things that have been said and done. And after all I had done, no matter how many times I told him how I felt, he still thought I could leave him just like that. I knew his confidence in himself was pretty low, but I never thought his confidence in me was that low too.

It hurt that he could think so little of me. I was tired, of always giving the reassurance, of always building him back up, of always loving and having it thrown back in my face. I loved Edward more than I've ever loved anyone, and he still couldn't see it. That's what hurt the most. My efforts had gone unrewarded long enough, I began to wonder if there was any point to me trying any more. I didn't want to give up on him, but there are only so many times a girl can get knocked down before she has no choice but to give up. Sometimes you have to put yourself first, and I wondered if that meant no more being the builder-upper, no more putting my feelings on the table for them to be brushed aside and thought of as lies.

I don't know what to do any more. I don't want to give up on him, but there's only so much more I can take.

Edward wanted to take me back to his house, but he didn't put up a fight when I told him I was going home. It had only been a few days since I had seen my dad, but I missed him more than I thought I would. It would seem I've gotten rather attached to him a lately.

As Edward got my bag out of the car I ran to my father, he stood in the doorway with his arms open, I didn't hesitate to hug him. As a squeezed my arms around his torso he rested his head on mine, I don't think we've ever held each other like this before. Maybe this short separation gave us both a wakeup call. I was glad to be home.

Edward greeted my dad politely and gave some fake reason as to why he had to excuse himself, giving us some privacy. Under watchful eyes he gave me a gentle peck on my cheek before whispering "I'll see you soon" almost so quiet I couldn't hear, we couldn't risk Charlie knowing his underage daughter has her boyfriend in her room every night while she sleeps. The chief of police wouldn't look too kindly on that, let alone the parent in him.

"Bella" Charlie started "I know it's the summer and you don't have the commitment of school, but I would appreciate some forewarning next time you decide to take a mini-break" his expression was serious but kind.

"I know dad, im sorry, no more impulse trips"

"And plus you've were staying over at Alice's for almost a week before that! Hell, I feel like I haven't seen you in ages" his words cut at my conscience, I felt guilty for leaving Charlie out of the loop. Of course he could never know the truth, but I needed to stop isolating myself from him, it wasn't doing either of us any good.

"I missed you dad!" I confessed before encasing him in another hug.

"Aw Bells, I missed you too" he replied. I knew my dad wasn't big on displays of affection so I guessed the expression on his face wouldn't be a comfortable one, but I was happy of it nonetheless.

Once the emotional level got too high for his feelings shy father he released me from his arms. "Go on up and get your things unpacked" he said with a look of embarrassment at this display. I responded with smile before I left him to his baseball game.

Of course Edward was already in my room waiting for me when I got there, a part of me hoped that he wouldn't be, but I hid that part right in the back of my mind so he couldn't see. He watched silently as I unpacked my things, put my dirty clothes in the wash, and straightened out my room. When I was finally done I joined him on the bed and perched myself on his lap, wrapping my arms around him so I could rest my head on his shoulder.

As my own shoulders moved up and down continuously from my breathing, Edwards stayed perfectly still, hard as stone. Even in his protective hold I still felt confused, my feelings conflicted each other. These were the arms I wanted around me, I never wanted them to let go. But these arms weren't the whole package, the mind came too. And with the mind came doubt and fear and self-deprecation to ridiculous limits. Could I stay in these arms when they didn't truly believe I wanted to be there?

It was twilight outside, the sun had gone to bed and so would I. I was drained from the day's events, I just wanted to bury my head in the pillows and sleep through all my confusion. Maybe when I wake up everything will be better. Or maybe I'll wake up to the face of the man that truly believes I don't love him.

* * *

A/N - Uh oh, Bella isn't feeling to good about Edward right now :(

I know this story is kinda depressing but im a teenager, being depressing is what im good at :L Life is full of miserable things, and every happiness has some sort of downside, and im not going to ignore that fact. Everyone has doubts and everyone is selfish to a degree, Bella just needs to figure out if she's strong enough to put herself out there and be vulnerable in order to get Edward to respond, or if she's not as willing as she needs to be.

Im a fairly 'glass half empty' sort of girl but this story won't always be like that, If you stick with me you'll see ;) but to truly appreciate the good we must first experience the bad. (and the depressing)


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

_I was floating, surrounded by warm, crystal blue water. Water was all there was, no land for as far as my eyes could see. I'd never felt so at peace, just floating, floating, floating along. Not a care in the world. The sky above me was a delicate baby blue, no clouds to disrupt the constant colour. I began to sink into the water, so I reflexively kicked my legs and pushed the water below me with my hands. It wasn't working, I kicked harder… still I continued to sink. My movements became frantic as I became submerged in the water. The oxygen caught in my lungs was all I had, and I was sinking deeper. On and on I continued to sink until my head began to feel fuzzy. I could feel myself getting weaker, the pressure of the water above me grew, I gave into the darkness._

I woke, gasping for breath, my lungs felt like lead weights. I didn't know where I was, my head felt so fuzzy, full of clouds. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness the shapes of my room, my own furniture, my bed became apparent. The clouds in my mind began to dissipate, taking away the confusion with them. I could think clearly again.

I turned my head in the pillow to find Edward reading an old battered copy of one of my books, I didn't care to find out which one. He also turned his head to greet me with a smile, "You didn't sleep for long" he stated.

"What time is it?" I questioned, my voice rough from sleep.

Without even bothering to look at the clock he answered "12:36am".

I had been asleep for a whole 2 hours… great. I didn't feel tired anymore, I didn't want to go back to sleep. I pulled myself up to sit against the headboard and rested myself on Edward's side, placing my head on his shoulder. I read the page he was on and found him to be reading Romeo and Juliet, not the first time I'd caught him reading this particular working of Shakespeare, I think he's developed a soft spot for the unrequited lovers.

"Good book?" I asked to break the silence.

"Good book" he replied, reiterating my words.

I turned to bury my face into his shoulder, breathing in his scent. He smelled just like he always did, of Edward, of home. He kissed the top of my head delicately, as always. I felt incredibly comfortable with him, like this. In this moment I didn't understand my worries over our relationship, things seemed just… right. But I would soon forget this feeling and the worries would come flooding back. I decided to just enjoy the moment while it lasted.

The beginning of the night, wide awake with nothing to do. I sighed, staring blankly at the wall across from me. I thought of being back at home, I thought of going to school again on Monday, I thought about the friends I hadn't seen in a while. I had taken enough time out of life, it was time to get back to normality. I thought about how much school work I'd have to catch up on, I'd missed almost 2 weeks, I didn't relish the thought of spending the next 2 weeks submerged in education. But I knew Edward would help me, he loathed the thought of me dropping behind because of him.

I jumped out of bed and swiftly begin to undress out of my pyjamas and into my regular clothes. From the bed Edward gave me a puzzled look. "Going somewhere?" he teased.

"Your place actually" I said in a cocky tone, "I want to see your sister. We do love each other you know, and I've missed her terribly these past few days. Do you really begrudge me some girl time with Alice?" I teased, knowing he wouldn't protest.

"Of course not" he joined in. "It's still quite warm outside, do you think we can run? Or would you prefer I go get my car?"

Hmmm. Straddling Edwards back, feeling the wind rush past me as he runs at the speed of light? Or comfortably sat in Edward's car while he drives at the speed of light? I was feeling adventurous "I'll go with running". It had been a while since I'd ran with Edward, well, held onto his back for dear life as he forces himself through the air with ease. Of course I couldn't actually run with him, now that was a thought I did relish, being as fast as him.

Before I knew it the journey was over all too quickly and I found myself stood in front of the Cullen's doorway. Edward in his chivalrous manner held the door open for me, I took one step into the beautiful house before I was trapped in Alice's arms. I returned the hug with equal excitement, which wasn't very equal if you take into account her vampire strength. A quick smile was all I could give Edward before I was dragged away by the hand, upstairs to Alice's room.

She bounced onto the bed very gracefully, I flopped in comparison. I sat with my legs crossed and my hands in my lap whilst Alice, ever the perfectionist, re-puffed her pillows. She faced me with an impish grin, her dark - almost black – eyes were practically sparkling with excitement. Her mood was always so light, I tried to remember the last time I saw Alice sad, or in any mood that was less than happy. My thoughts took me back to a few days ago, the day me and Edward left, probably the most miserable I have ever seen her. The memory was stopping me from enjoying the happiness Alice now brought me, so I brought my attention back to the current Alice. The happy, giddy girl sat cross-legged across from me waiting for me to say something.

"Missed me?" I asked the answer evident on her face.

"Of course I did silly! But I knew you'd be back soon." she winked, "So how was the hotel? I hope my brother took you somewhere nice, not some cheap shabby place with scratchy blankets." She had a gentle but stern look on her face.

I wasn't going to lie to her "It was… okay. I wasn't planning on staying very long anyways" I joked.

"What am I going to do with him?" she teased. The smile remained on her face but her eyes lost their sparkle a little as she asked "Are you okay Bella? ... I mean…with what happened…with James. Edward is looking after you right?"

I just knew she'd bring this up, regardless of if I wanted to talk about it or not. I didn't want to explore this topic again, but I didn't want to ignore her, walk away and hurt her feelings. After all, she was only concerned for me.

"Im fine Alice. Really… im okay." I said to try and put her worries to rest…. It didn't work.

"Come on Bella, bring those walls down, this is me your talking too." She was serious now.

"I don't put up walls with you Alice, you can see my future! I think my minds open to you enough. "I laughed awkwardly, reflecting the situation.

"Bella… don't avoid confiding in me just because Edward can read my mind. I'll just keep my mind full of useless facts to cloud what im really thinking." She winked to comfort me.

"I just don't want to talk about it" I admitted, hopefully she would understand and not take offence like her brother would.

She was still having none of it. "You need to talk about it sometime Bella. If you bottle it all up, then one day you'll just explode, and I don't fancy cleaning your brains off of the wall." We giggled simultaneously, her light hearted approach was working, I was beginning to come around.

We were silent for a moment before I finally found the courage to tell her "I just don't like how this whole thing has affected mine and Edward's relationship…" There, it was out there. Now she would ask questions, and I didn't know if I would answer truthfully, knowing Edward would be able to read her mind and hear the whole conversation.

Concern was etched onto her face, "In what way?"

"I don't know, it's just… I think…" I sighed "Edward blames himself. That's what's affecting us." I admitted.

"Has he told you this?"

"Yes! We can't have an argument without him bringing the blame onto himself. At first I felt bad, there was nothing he could do but he still thinks its his fault. I snook away, it was my fault and I told him that but he still blames himself." I couldn't stop, the words were coming like vomit. "Now I feel he's just blaming himself because he's so self-deprecating and he doesn't know how to stop! But if he doesn't stop… I don't know how much longer I can take it."

Alice was taken aback by my onslaught of truths about her brother. Edward heard that, I knew, but part of me was glad. I didn't have the guts to say this to his face, but he needed to know how I felt. I wasn't too harsh, I didn't reveal the true level of my worries, I was glad that he knew now.

"Have you told him about this?" I shook my head no so I didn't have to say it.

She was silent for a moment, her expression was blank, in a world of her own. Probably seeing what Edward was going to do. She cleared her throat before she spoke again, "You don't believe that do you Bella? About it being your fault?" she looked me in the eyes, I couldn't lie to her, but I couldn't endure a lecture on self-esteem. It was my fault an I knew that, of course she would tell me otherwise because that would be the kind thing to do, but I didn't want to hear it. I remained silent, her question hanging unanswered in the air between us.

"Bella you can't blame yourself for that…." She didn't let up on her gaze, penetrating my mind. I looked away, I couldn't take her pity any longer. She turned my head gently, with her hand on my cheek, back to face her. "Bella listen to me. That wasn't your fault, it wasn't anybody's fault but James' okay? Do not blame yourself." Her expression was deadly serious, I had never seen her like this before. " . ." she repeated slowly and clearly, I have to admit I was little scared of her right then.

"That doesn't help me with Edward." I said trying to change the subject. She sighed in defeat, she knew I wasn't going to listen.

"What am I going to do with you Bella?" she asked shaking her head.

"Hug me?" I asked, trying to lighten the atmosphere. She smiled gently, it worked. She captured me in another vice tight hug. Heavy talk avoided for another day, but now I had to have a different heavy talk when I faced Edward. My stomach knotted, I felt sick.

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A/N - Sorry I don't update very often, overwhelmed with sixth form, i'll try update weekly or every 2 weeks because updating whenever is too messy and is just bugging me.

Hope you like the new chapter :)


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

As I walked down the stairs of the Cullen's huge home I began to feel nervous. My stomach was tightening into knots, my palms were sweaty and my heart was beating at an unusually rapid rate. It was embarrassing to know that every vampire in this house could sense my unease, they could hear my heart thudding and all of them probably knew why. In a house full of super sensitive hearing, not a lot of things stay private.

Alice let go of my hand as we reached the bottom step and she made her way, as gracefully as usual, to wrap her arms around Jasper, who seemed to be deep in thought as he leaned casually against the door to the living room. I stopped for a moment, examining the scene in front of me.

Carlisle was staring intently at a computer screen while Esme was rearranging the flowers that stood on display close by him. Rosalie and Emmett were play fighting on the couch, and I could the worry on Esme's face as their unrestrained play threatened to ruin her expensive satin cushions. My focus was brought back to Alice and Jasper once again as they slow danced in each other's arms. Where was Edward?

He had taken off. I knew it. He knew what I thought and he didn't want to face me, he didn't want to talk it over, work things out. My thumping heart dropped into my stomach. Was he going to come back?

The anguish on my face must've been evident as Esme finally told me "He's outside honey, he's waiting for you" with a warm smile on her face. I responded with a smile before making my way to the sliding doors that led to the beginnings of the Cullen's back yard. As I descended the steps I surveyed my immediate surroundings. No Edward. I was aware that I had made it to the bottom of the steps when I felt my feet touch the soft but firm mixture of earth and grass. Still no Edward.

My weak human eyes searched through the tree's as I made my way towards the river which was now just a few feet away from me. I continued to walk alongside the river in the direction of the flowing water, further into the forest. I was wondering how far I would be able to walk before it became too far and too dark to continue any further, when I was stopped by the sound of a branch snapping. The branch fell right in front of me, not half a second later I was finally seeing the vampire I had been hoping but dreading to find. This reunion was bitter-sweet.

"Breaking tree's again are we?" I teased to lighten the mood. "Just that one" he responded, "that one was too big." He held his hand out for me, I took it without thinking and we began walking. Edward soon grew bored travelling at this slow pace, and it wasn't long before he pulled me onto his back and began running through the forest.

The thick growth came to a stop and so did Edward, we were now standing at the edge of our meadow. It hadn't been long since I was last here, it was still beautiful. The flowers were bright, radiant shades of yellow and pink and lilac, shining in the suns light. Edward put me back down on the ground but didn't take my hand as he usually would. He walked forward alone, into the sunlight and the skin at the back of his neck shone like diamonds. Beautiful.

He stopped and turned to face me. He didn't look at me, he didn't raise his hand, he didn't gesture for me to join him. I sensed this was a test, to see if I would follow without him having to guide me. Of course I did. With each step closer the mood surrounding us seemed to lighten, I could see a smile growing on his lips. When I was a foot away from him I stopped, he finally looked me in the eyes then, his smile completing his face. I reached forward and took his hands in mine, inching my body ever so slightly closer to his. He exhaled in a silent laugh, amused by my behaviour. I bent my knees at sat cross legged on the ground, pulling him down with me.

We stared at each other for a while, hand in hand, neither of us wanting to ruin this tender moment. But it couldn't last forever.

"So…" he began "I hear I've been getting on your nerves" he joked. I wanted to approach this subject with the same light hearted tone, so I chose my words carefully. "I want you to be happy" I started, already sounding too serious "putting yourself down all the time doesn't make a happy Edward."

He sighed, the atmosphere turned grey. There was no avoiding the seriousness of this conversation. "Just let me speak first please?" I asked, he nodded in reply. "I don't like it when you blame yourself…. I hate it. It makes both of us sad, no good comes of it…. I know it's kind of become second nature to you now, but I need you to stop. Please… for me? I hate you feeling upset, especially when there's no need to. Just please, if not for yourself, do it for me?"

He held my gaze for a moment, I could see the silent internal dispute behind his eyes. He looked to ground, his long lashes cast shadows on his glittering cheeks. "I don't want you to be unhappy" he began "I don't want to be the cause of your unhappiness." I could see this discussion falling in my favour, he was beginning to come around to my way of thinking. "I just want you to understand that it's my job to protect, and if I fail at that, I fail you… and I fail myself. I take your protection very seriously-", "-I know you do" I interrupted. "Let me finish" he asked, I pretended to zip my mouth shut and throw away the key. "I take your protection very seriously, the fact that my tiny insignificant slip up had such disastrous effects is what is hard for me to handle."

"That's what _I_ need _you_ to understand Edward. It wasn't your fault, it wasn't your slip up!" I almost yelled. "You're doing it right now. You're blaming yourself." My face was stern.

He was thoughtful once again, looking into my eyes as he deliberated in his mind. "I can see we're not going to agree on this" he sighed "so I have an idea, a proposition."

"Im listening" I answered, genuinely intrigued.

"I'll work on myself, stop being so self-deprecating, if you agree that this topic is a lost cause and accept my opinion. What happened was my fault, I can't change that, and I'll spend forever dealing with it. But I don't want you to suffer with me. I don't want you to be upset, so I'll work on it, how does that sound?"

This is what I wanted, for him to admit his fault, and to stop, to want to stop. But I did not accept that this was his fault, I absolutely did not accept that. "I-" he began, I put my hand up indicating him to stop. He chuckled then became silent again, seeing that I needed time to think. I didn't accept that James was his fault, I didn't blame him in the slightest, but if he was willing to work on himself, then I could accept that _he _blamed himself. If he truly was prepared to do this for me, maybe I should let go and accept that his opinion on this matter won't change. Accepting it didn't mean I agreed with it, I could do that.

I moved my hand from its position, suspended in mid-air, to offer my hand to shake. The left side of Edwards mouth curled into a crooked side smile, my favourite smile. He returned my handshake, the grin on his face growing wider. It was contagious, I couldn't help but smile back. I entwined my fingers with Edwards, still staring into his deep dark eyes.

He brought his other hand up to caress my cheek and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. He sent electricity through me, I hadn't felt that in while. He pulled his face back so I could see him again "I love you" he said full of sincerity. "I love you too" I replied, "so very much." And I closed the space between our lips.

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A/N - Sorry I haven't updated in ages, I hope your still with me. I hope you like this chapter, happy chapters are always much more fun to write :)


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Our lips moved together in a perfect rhythm, it was like that first kiss all over again, sending butterflies all through my body. I tried to pull away, the loss of his lips on mine would've been consolidated with just one look of his flawless face. But instead he pulled me closer. He moved one hand from my cheek, down my neck, across my shoulder, and down my back to stop at the base of my spine, all the while inching my body closer to his.

We were kneeling in front of each other now, the soft bed the flowers had created under my knees stopped me from feeling any pressure against them. His right hand still maintained its position at the small of my back, whilst his left hand continued to gently caress my cheek. My hands were lost in his hair, tangling at the back of his head and the nape of his neck. I would've been happy to spend eternity like this, in this moment, infinite pleasure.

But I wanted more, so much more. The growing bulge that was pressing against my abdomen confirmed that Edward wanted more too, but was my previous rejection too much for him? Would he approach this again, not knowing my current state of mind? Did he still think me too damaged to partake in such intimate activities? I doubted he would even attempt to try, knowing my reaction last time was too much for him to handle.

I knew he wouldn't believe my words, so I would have to _show _him what I wanted. I pushed against his chest, of course I was not strong enough to move him, but if he knew that I wanted him to move back, he would. He complied and lowered himself to the ground whilst I continued to push against his chest. I felt - in a sense - in control, and the panic I felt last time was nowhere to be found. When his back touched the ground I climbed up his body to straddle him, the butterflies that were once fluttering all around my body had now all focused their energies at the spot between my legs. I needed him.

He moved his hand to stroke my denim covered thighs as I traced patterns on his stomach with my fingertips. This separation was too much to bear, I bent down to reach his lips, crashing against them, this time filled with passion. He deepened the kiss, pushing his tongue into my welcoming mouth, tracing the soft round shape of my lips. My need for him grew. Bravely, I begin grinding my hips against him… The feeling was incredible, but wasn't enough to satiate my need for him. The now prominent bulge I felt pressing between my legs and the moans that I elicited from the man beneath me, told me he was enjoying this just as much as I was.

I continued to grind against him as our tongues danced together, never wanting to stop this perfect and intimate moment. But Edward didn't seem to share my thoughts as he wrapped his hands around my waist a pushed me away from him. Not too much that the contact would be lost, but just enough so that our lips couldn't touch and he was able to speak.

"What's happening right now?" he panted.

"Im showing my boyfriend how much I love him" I answered, hoping to please him.

"You don't have to show me anything, I know how much you love me." He replied. Was this a kind way to reject me, or was he trying to save my feelings from something I might regret? Either way, I wasn't about to let him ruin this moment. He wanted it just as much as me, I knew, and he couldn't deny it.

"I know, but I want this" I stated, maybe a little too definite. "Im okay Edward, I promise. I want this."

He finally saw the truth in my words as he searched my eyes for confirmation. His lips pulled into the sweetest grin as he lowered me onto his chest once again, I relished the contact. More kisses, more grinding, it was pure and utter pleasure. But I needed more. I raised myself to sit straddling him once again, he groaned at the loss. I traced my fingers up and down his stomach once again, the shudder that ran through him told me he enjoyed this. I stopped at the top of his shirt and undid the first two buttons, he looked up at me with a delighted smirk, telling me that this was okay. I continued down his shirt until all the buttons were undone.

I parted his now open shirt to reveal his perfect body beneath me. I traced the planes of his rock hard stomach, his skin glittering in the sun light. He looked even more beautiful in this light, if that were even possible. I rested my hand flat against the bottom of his stomach, feeling the rise and fall of the panted breaths that I had caused, it made me feel powerful, knowing the affect I could have on him. I slid that hand up his stomach and up his chest as I lowered my body onto his once again. My hands were now tangled in his hair again as our lips met for the millionth time. He stroked his hands up my thighs, across my hips, and up to my waist, lifting my shirt as he went. He held his grasp for a moment before grabbing at my shirt and pushing it further up my body, causing me to sit up as he pulled my shirt over my head, leaving me before him in my bra.

He was obviously pleased at the sight before him, this did wonders for my confidence. With him I felt sexy, desirable, he made me feel that way. He glided his hands up my stomach to hold my breasts in his hands, and he began to massage them. I grasped his wrist with one hand and pushed his other hand harder against my breast with my other hand, not wanting him to stop. This touch, it ignited a fire in between my legs, I was aching for him.

Lost in the feel of his hands on me, I didn't notice that he had turned us around until I felt the soft bed of flowers and grass against my back. He was now laid on top of me, in between my legs, and I couldn't help but wrap my legs around his waist, all the time searching for more contact. He began placing delicate kisses on my cheek, my jaw, and my neck, keeping the fire burning inside me. Only stopping for seconds at a time to whisper "I.. want you… to have… the most amazing… experience… let me do that for you?" I answered him with a kiss, a long, and sensual kiss.

He pushed himself away from me, kneeling between my legs, to give himself access to my jeans. He pulled the button from its captive hole and slowly pulled down the zipper, a look of wanting written all over his face. He then proceeded to grasp the material at the top of my jeans and pull them down over my butt, slowly revealing the pink skin of my thighs. It wasn't soon before my jeans where off of my legs completely and lying in a pile with Edward's shirt, leaving me lying beneath him in just my underwear. I was so thankful I had chosen my matching pink bra and panties to wear today.

He lowered himself onto my almost naked body, pressing himself against me slightly, but holding his weight. As our mouths met, his hands begin to explore my body. First my shoulders, my breasts, my stomach, my waist, my hips. His touch leaving behind a burning trail as he moved on to please the next area of skin on my body. When he reached the top of my panties he stopped. Breathing heavily, he looked down at me, searching for confirmation to continue. I responded by raising my hips, pushing my pelvis into him.

Slowly, painfully slow, he continued to push his hand down, underneath my panties. I gasped in pleasure as his hand met my heated centre, and slowly, delicately, he began to rub his hand against me. His touch caused me to moan such noises I never knew I could make. This feeling was amazing, incredible, and set the fire inside me blazing. I thought I was going to burst, I didn't think I could handle anymore. I began to worry, was this going to hurt? Edward wouldn't hurt me intentionally, but what if my body wasn't ready for this?

My fears were put to rest when he slipped his middle finger inside of me, causing new and exquisite sensations, no pain, pure pleasure. His touch had made me so wet, my body wanted this just as much as my mind did, it was silly to ever think that this would hurt, my body made sure it wouldn't. Another round of moans, smothered by his lips against mine. He continued to push his finger in and out of me, pushing me closer to the edge, until he stopped and withdrew his hand. I groaned at the loss, only to be consoled by him pushing two fingers inside of me now, slowly and cautiously, not wanting to cause me any pain.

He stilled his hand for a moment to examine my face, making sure I was comfortable and not in any pain. This was the furthest thing from pain, this was amazing! He began to pulse his fingers in and out of me once again, I moaned and writhed in pleasure as I felt myself building, getting closer towards the edge. I was so close now, I could feel myself tightening around his fingers… and then he did something amazing. With his free hand he pushed down the cup of my bra to fully reveal my breast, before I could register his actions he had taken my erect nipple in his mouth and began sucking and nibbling ever so gently. That was my undoing. I was pushed over the edge as his tongue caressed my nipple and his fingers pushed into me with the perfect amount of pressure. I writhed in ecstasy as I reached my climax, convulsing around his magic fingers.

This feeling, his touch, so many sensations. I was powerless to do anything but let the feel of him take me to places I'd never been before. He continued his pleasurable assault as I rode out my orgasm. My breaths were short pants, my hands were balled into fists, crushing the material of his shirt that I was grasping to keep me grounded. I was finally beginning to fall back to earth, back to Edward. What had just happened? "That… was…. amazing!" I panted, still not fully recovered from my first orgasm. "You, are amazing." He whispered softly.

Edward rested his head on my chest while my breathing calmed, feeling the rise and fall even out into a steady rhythm once again. "Thank you darling" he almost whispered. Thank you? Why was he thanking me, that's crazy.

"Why are you thanking me? I should be thanking you, that was… incredible." I praised.

"Because you trust me" he answered, "I didn't think that you would let me do that for you, but you did. You trusted me not to hurt you."

"I _know_ you would never hurt me, I don't need to trust you to believe that." I corrected him "But I did trust that you would give me something that no one else could. I trusted that you would erase everything that James ever did to me, and replace it with sweet memories of you, and how you make me feel."

"You're so strong, stronger than I am. I don't know how you do it, but I admire you so much." I smiled shyly, pleasantly embarrassed at his admiration. "This isn't it you know, one time with me won't get rid of _him." _He sighed, regretting his words. "Im sorry, I don't mean to burst your bubble. I just don't want you to be upset when you realise that he still haunts you. What happened to you… I can't imagine the mental scars it has left. I can't read your mind and you refuse to be anything but strong in front of everyone, including me. So all I can do is give you empathy and hope that I can make you better. I promise every day to try, one day he will be gone."

I was silent, taking in his words, bringing me back to reality. I wasn't foolish, I knew it would take a long time to get over James, but with Edward, there wasn't a doubt in my mind that I wouldn't achieve my goal. I had begun to push him away, I didn't want to let him in. I no longer tolerated his flaws, even though he showed me nothing but love for everything that I was. My actions were so ridiculous, I didn't understand them then, and I still don't understand them now. But I do know that I don't want to distance myself from him again, I need him by my side. I was once a complete person, I didn't need anyone, but recent events had changed me and turned me into someone I didn't recognise.

Back in that ballet studio, James took something away from me. Something that now caused me to conceal my thoughts and fears. Something that made me want, and succeed in keeping people out. Maybe I'll eventually figure out what he took from me, but for now I was happy not knowing, as long as Edward was here. He was now the thing that completed me, he replaced whatever I was missing. This new connection felt stronger, unbreakable, and I was certain that he wouldn't leave my side as long as I needed him. I would always need him.

"Im sorry," I said, my voice thick with sincerity "Im sorry I've been so distant, but im here now. That experience may not have got rid of my ghost, but Im certainly seeing things so clearly now. I love you Edward, im here. You brought me back to you."

His answering smile was all I needed to know he understood my words. In this moment, with the love, raw and intense emotion that was between us, there was nothing left to do but loose ourselves in each other.

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A/N - So I decided to end the story on a high note, I hope I didn't disapoint. I understand how annoying it is to read a fic and have all this build up, for the end result to be utterly disappointing. So I hope I haven't left you thinking that reading this was a huge waste of your time.

I ended this story earlier than planned because I haven't had a lot of time to write recently and I couldn't bear to have this unfinished and not be updating for weeks at a time.

But stick with me, I have lots more ideas. Not even important exams can keep me away from fanfiction for too long ;) so please stick with me.

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed this little reaffirmation of Edward and Bella's love xxx


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